Thursday, June 30, 2011

Birthday Brouhaha {Two Parties on the Same Day}

I have to blog about this because I can't think about anything else. Okay so L has been out of the loop for the last almost 2 weeks from getting his tonsils out. Meanwhile, he had his birthday (more on that in another post) so we had to plan a party for once he's feeling better. This coming Saturday would be ideal, but of course it's 4th of July weekend and we were afraid lots of people would be out of town. So we chose July 9 and finally things calmed down enough around here for me to send the e-vite on Monday evening. {Why did I do an e-vite over putting invitations in the mail, you ask? I thought it would be easy and that it would be a nice way to track RSVPs. Hindsight and all that.} Right away we got 2 "yes" replies from kids in L's class. Then we got a few "no" replies, with explanations that the families would be out of town. Then, the mom of twins, good friends of L's, replies "no" and says "sorry, that's the day of the twins' party." Dun dun dun.

So I panic. Should we reschedule? Maybe the party isn't at the same time? Maybe it's just a family affair? I decide to email the mom. Sure enough, the party is basically at the same time (can't be in two places at once) and she's invited ALL of the whole class (I had originally only invited a handful, we can't afford a huge party).

Anyway, I did a bunch of fact-gathering and calculating to figure out whether or not to reschedule but in the end, my husband was not on board. Forget it, it's too late, it's too hard to change, who cares. Okay, now I can breathe--the decision is made. We'll invite more kids, the others from school I'd not originally invited and all our friends from other places (like speech or last year's school), it's fine. I figured we'd still get some kids from his class.

If your child got 2 party invites for the same day, how would you choose?

If it were me, and my son was equally good friends with each host, I think we'd go to the party we were invited to first. {In this case, turns out our e-vite went out before the twins' paper invitations arrived BUT the mom had been talking about the date for some time, and I hadn't heard about it because L hadn't been at school. Or because I'm not in the clique....} But if my child was a close friend to one host and a mere acquaintance of the other, we'd probably choose the close friend's party. All other things being equal, maybe we like one location better than the other. Or who knows.

But I'm not getting any "yes" replies from classmates. None! Of the two original "yes" replies, one switched over to "no" saying something suddenly came up. Yeah, we all know what that something was. Tacky! I thought maybe some kids who aren't in the summer program would choose our party, having received our invite first and not having heard about the other party around the school yard. But no. Now I feel like there's a mommy clique and we're not in it. {Yeah writing that I think I'm paranoid.} But people seem content to let L have a party without guests.

One mom called me yesterday morning--did I know the other party is at the same time? Yes, I said, it's an unfortunate coincidence. She explained that she's known the twins for 3 years blah bla bla--I said don't worry about it, it's fine, L has other friends. OOOPS! Is she spreading the word that it's okay to skip L's party because he has other friends?! That's not at all what I meant. I meant it was okay for her to choose the other party, because she is closer to the other family. And because she had already chosen, she shouldn't feel bad. I didn't mean nobody should choose our party. Ugh. Again, maybe I'm paranoid, but as more kids reply "no," the more I feel like there is a clique and we're not in it.

So now I'm wishing we had rescheduled. And I wish we had put the invites in the mail, or at least didn't use e-vite because checking for RSVPs is like a crazy obsession. And, grrrr, I wish the twins' mom, who had the date picked out a long time ago, had just gotten her invites in the mail sooner so none of this would've happened.

On the bright side, those "other friends" are coming through for us and joining our party. Hallelujah. The party won't be a total bust. But I'm darn sure L will look around and wonder where's everyone from school?

Any thoughts on mommy cliques? Am I crazy? I just want my kid to have a party full of his friends. I feel like a failure as a mom that I didn't orchestrate his party better! I just want him to be happy!!!!

What would you do if you planned a party, only to find out someone else's party was at the same time?

Now that's what's-done-is-done, how would you make the best of it? I'd love to hear!

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1 comment:

Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy said...

So sorry for the birthday party drama! I have been really surprised at how hard it is to get RSVPs from people for things like this. I've never sent out an evite but I can imagine the temptation to check responses every 5 minutes (and the continuing disappointment for my child especially at the lack of them).

When faced with the predicament you described as a guest, I follow pretty much the same protocol. Which family are we closer to, and which invite did we get first.

Luckily, it doesn't come up often.

I hope your birthday party is a lot of fun, and that you have lots of guests :)